Month: August 2023

Human Window Panes

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Eyes are the windows to the soul, but a person’s laughter can tell you just as much, if not more. Laughter comes in various degrees and pitches. Outgoing versus its shy counterpart, the sad laugh versus the happy laugh, and even the ‘trying too hard to cover the sadness’ laugh- we still know, no need to fake it.

An outgoing laugh is a shock to the system. An all-of-a-sudden loud gong crash that rings out nothing but pure, soul-filled octaves of happiness. Outgoing laughter is contagious, it’s in every feature of a face showing from the rose glow that spreads across cheeks, the squinting eyes that seem to smile as well, the wide open mouth showing every happy tooth, and the head toss back that lets these chimes spread through the sky and make even the sun seem to smile down. An outgoing laugh is the purest form of a happiness that a human can seem to possess.

A shy laugh is nothing close to a gong crash, more of a quiet bubble. The sound of the wind rustling tree leaves on a fall morning, letting some slowly dance to the ground. Shy laughs are pink cheeks and eyes that don’t quite hold your gaze. It’s hands that quickly come up to hide teeth and ghost smiles. Although a shy laugh is not abrupt and straightforward, the eyes of the human will still glow with the pure form of happiness found in the head toss back of those with an outgoing laugh. Those shy laugh having humans’ eyes will glow and radiate a warmth like no other, they have their own sun inside of them. If you’re attentive enough to a shy laugh- a quiet sprinkle of rain sounding laugh- then you too, will see this sun light shine through.

Inside these categories of outgoing and shy, are subcategories of happy and sad and ‘trying too hard to cover the sadness.’ A happy laugh is easy to identify, for it always brings others happiness too. Listening to someone with a happy laugh is like watching sweet honey drip from their lips. A sad laugh mimics the whine of a puppy stuck in a cage, it’s still cute but it tugs at your soul in a way you can’t describe. A ‘trying too hard to cover the sadness’ type of laugh is a little harder to notice. Unless you’ve experienced it firsthand, it’s hard to hear it in others. It’s the type of laugh that mimics the beautiful croon of a violin, or a heart wrenching opera. Both are beautiful but some don’t ever see the true meaning underneath. It’s a big toothy smile that doesn’t ever make the eyes smile too. Everyone has heard it, but not all have realized it.

-Passages from a young M

The Blue Jay Escaping the Robin’s Nest

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We have always lived in homes that weren’t quite ours. My brother and I stand between walls built on instability, irritability, and ignorance. We occupy homes owned by men who date our mother, men who assume we have ‘daddy issues’ and try to take over the fatherly role. I defy this assumption, branded disrespectful, bratty, rude, and intolerable because I turn to my strong father for guidance and ignore the shrieks of men with no significance to me.

Our mother’s unhappiness and unsure feelings made us move every few years, making it even harder to find a home in these houses. Our unsure feelings are never noted, though. As long as we have a roof over our heads, it doesn’t matter, they say. Cole looks to me for guidance and I try my hardest to play the role of strong sister. ‘We’ll make it out of this,’ I always promise.

Cole and I found our solace, our own little island getaway, in the home of our grandparents. Walking in, the house always greeted us with chiming voices and sweet, drifting smells. It’s heart was found in the living room, the coziness and homey feeling wrapped itself around you, blanketing you in comfort. The fire place radiated a heat that warmed every physical aspect of your being, while friendly voices and kind conversation warmed you emotionally. This house, this getaway island, renewed he feeling of safety inside of us and reminded us of what a real home has the potential to feel like.

We’ve lived in a house now for quite sometime, but I still anticipate the abrupt get up and go. Every day, since the 8th grade, my thoughts have been a constant mantra of ‘just a few more years.’ Years have turned to months now and I’m waiting by the open window watching the days creep by. I’m waiting for the exact moment I can finally be the bird that flies away. The blue jay that flies far from the robin’s nest.

-Passages from a young M